A Month of Devotional Writing: Days Four & Five

Day Four: Beginnings

My first experiences with my gods:

He is there in the darkness, waiting for me to come. I come with my eyes closed, breathing slow and measured, in stillness and silence. I come staring into the center of myself, waiting for myself to expand outward–and He is there. His eyes drive mine away. It is gentle, unthreatening, but nonetheless His visage is too much for me to take in.

“When you can meet My eyes, you will understand.”

—-

It is late and I am lying in bed, mumbling quietly to the force that has been pulling at my heart. She comes while I try to sleep, calling and calling until I feel like I am driven mad. She stares at me through the eye of the moon, filmed by clouds as I dance barefoot in the evening tide: my first taste of divine ecstasy. My companion thinks I’ve lost my mind. She remains unnamed for months, but I feel Her presence in my core.

Day Five: Forgiveness:

What is there to forgive? What could I have done in my life that the gods would need to forgive me? They don’t operate on the same level as I do. They don’t focus on the same things I do. Did I leave Their offerings too long? Did I let Their shrine become untidy? They have already forgiven me by making me human.

More than anything, They teach me to forgive myself–to allow myself to be flawed and imperfect and human. When I bow before them in angst because I have been away too long, They remain. When I fear Their reprimand for having been too busy or too unwell to honor Them, They remind me that there is no shame in that. To honor Them is a blessing; to remain distant is painful, but it is no insult. And so I learn to forgive.

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