It might not be obvious from my last few posts, but I am going through a fierce struggle with doubt lately. In a moment of reflection I was pretty directly challenged about my “wishy-washy” faith by the Gods. It came down to this: if I maintain the position that I believe simultaneously that all divine experiences are the result of an internal expectation AND that all divine experiences are acts of the Divine – where do I really stand? If doubt tempers every spiritual act that I engage in, am I fully immersing myself or am I playing the part of removed observer? Does it matter?
It does. I nearly decided recently that I don’t believe in an afterlife. Then remembered that honoring the Akhu is a crucial part of Kemetic Orthodoxy and that to deny an afterlife would mean denying a huge part of my faith. Never mind what it would mean for me as a priest!
I am struggling to understand some of the messages given to me by the Gods through divination. It helps to know that my community and my Gods will be here with me, even if I need to step away. The more I reflect, the less removed I feel. Even so, it is always a journey back from this kind of a feeling.
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