The hardest part of this priesthood thing is when my rituals end. I find it next to impossible to close the shrine and walk away. Even when all of my ritual offerings have been made, and the Gods rest in quiet glory in the shrine, I still want to kneel before Them indefinitely. I want to let Their love pour from the shrine, washing over me, flooding the room, spilling out into the Universe, touching everyone. Every time, They remind me to go. Leave. Take Them with me and carry Them through the day and night, and let Them touch others that way.
That’s the hardest part. Leaving the space where God is directly in front of me, focused and intensified. I know it needs to be done, but there is a sharp twinge of sorrow as I do. Perhaps I rely too heavily on ritual as opposed to experiencing Netjer in the world around me; I suppose that is true. But that is what the Gods want: lives lived. Not spent in dour contemplation, giving up all pleasures for asceticism. So I will do Their work this way too.