Episode 14: My Gods – Other: the Bawy

We come now to the gods that I have not been divined a child or beloved of, but Who have been darting in and out of my life in a significant fashion for some time.

The Bawy would be the first of these. I was divined in the Kemetic Orthodox year of Montu and the Eye of Ra (Year 14, for anyone counting), but my first Wep Ronpet as a Shemsu was celebrated in the year of the Bawy, of Heru-wer and Set as One. My gods, what a year that was. Heru-wer and Set are both catalysts of change in specific ways – and that can be painful and disturbing and awful at times.

Heru-wer was my first encounter with the Bawy, as a lewd, brusque force in my life. He offered me healing, in His way, but I was perhaps a little naive, and thought Him gentler than He is. So I was put off by Him. I can’t say that I have gotten to know Him much better since then; I have prayed to Him to mete out justice, and to grant me strength, good judgment and good character, but I really haven’t interacted with Him in any more relationship-building ways.

I have prayed to Set to help me change my life, from advice from my Akhu, and spent hours in tears, feeling like I was being torn to shreds in the process. For years after I was terrified of Him. I would not pray to Him, I avoided anything to do with Him. His was a force that would drown me in its wake, a power that would crush me if I got too close. No, thank you, I’ll stay over here, uncrushed and unbroken. Such avoidance is rarely healthy, however, and not long after deciding I would never ever speak to Him again, some of my fellow Shemsu in my geographic area decided to hold a feast in His honor, and so we did, and I was brought face to face with the Lord of Storms. I prayed for help overcoming my fear of Him, and I can confidently say that I am more comfortable with Him than I have been in the past (though He still scares the s*** out of me, on my best day).

Perhaps I should also note that my boyfriend’s first beloved is none other than the Red Lord Himself? Either way, for those of you who can stomach hardcore/metal, here is a song that I associate very strongly with Set, by a band that I also associate very strongly with Him. I had the opportunity to see them play this live, and being in that crowd at that moment was an absolutely religious experience. Say what you will, I believe God listens to metal. Atreyu – Gallows

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